Your 2013 Product Horoscope

Our Product Psychic has studied the stars and consulted her crystal ball. 

Here are her predictions for 2013:

Product Monger  You bravely forge ahead and let nothing come between you and success.  You are masterful with the tools of your trade.   Next time, don’t be so quick to help out a co-worker with a broken PowerPoint – let them learn for themselves.	Product Myopic You have deep expertise in your domain.  Your research papers and RFP responses have helped win many a deal.  In the new year, look around you and expand your horizons -time has come for you get involved in new projects!
Product Mogul No opportunity is too big for you.  Your determination and the alliances you have formed over the years make you unstoppable.  In 2013, Your product’s market share will grow and grow.  There are no boundaries other than those inside of you.	Product Mother Under your loving care, your products have flourished and matured.  In the new year, don’t be afraid to let go of some of your products lines – they are big enough now to start portfolios of their own.
Product Maverick Far away from the pack, you do your own thing. Your ideas are so original and your insights so fresh, customers love them.  2013 might be a good time to start your own company.	Product Mercenary You will do anything to make your customers successful.  Go ahead, lower the pricing, and add a few items to your requirements spec.  It will all pay off!
Product Moper You know too well where all the hidden defects of the product are.   Make a fresh start this year:  Spend less time reading the bug database and the support logs, and instead focus on the benefits your product delivers.	Product Magician Nobody knows how you do it.  Just when disaster is about to strike, you come through with breakthrough innovations and brilliant value propositions.  Keep the magic coming, but please give the developers a chance to refactor.
Product Marathoner You have tremendous stamina.  You fly on red-eyes, preside over long meetings, and write the most complete specs anyone has ever seen.  This year, give yourself time to recover, and you will be able to drive yourself even further.	Product Mediator  Working in cross functional teams, prioritizing requirements, and harmonizing portfolios are what you do best.  Everyone wins under your leadership.  In the new year, make sure you negotiate some rewards for yourself!
Product Matchmaker You understand that in a complex marketplace, products need strong partnerships to succeed. You are a master of alliances.  Be careful in the new year: Channel Conflicts may limit the growth of your product and it’s up to you to resolve them.	Product Moron You have a fresh outlook.  You are not afraid to ask questions, and your ability to state the obvious has helped clarify countless requirements.  Be on the lookout – a mentor may be ready to help you to the next stage.

If you are not sure which sign you are, or if you would like a personal reading to help you with your product success in 2013, call the psychic product hotline at 4 ALLYO 7974. Standard rates apply !

More Jokes

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong.  Product Managers are the easiest to operate.  They give you a complete roadmap, they help you with positioning, and if you lose the patient you simply consult their End of Life Plan and fill out the Win Loss Analysis”

Product Management Jokes

A product manager walks into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender snarls, "What'll you have?"
The product manager says, "Got any reference customers?"
The bartender spits and says "We don't have reference customers here, we serve drinks, now get out!"
The product manager hops off the stool and walks out.
The next day, the same product manager walks into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, "Got any reference customers?"
The bartender, irritated, says, "I told you yesterday we don't serve reference customers here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!"
The product manager hops off the stool and walks out.
The next day, the same product manager walks into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks, "Got any reference customers?"
The bartender, infuriated, pounds his fist on the bar and yells at the product manager, "I told you two times we don't serve reference customers here, we serve drinks! If you ask me that ONE
MORE TIME I'm going to nail your ears to the bar! NOW GET OUT!"
With that, the product manager shrugged, hopped off the stool and walked out.
The next day, the same product manager walked into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked, "Got any nails?"
The bartender, puzzled, said no.
The product manager then looked him square in the eye and said, "Got any reference customers?"